It's been awhile since I've last used the keyboard to type an entry as usual. Maybe sooner or later this blog shall be abandoned by it's owner... Anyway, it's the time of the year once again- Christmas. Blessed Christmas to all my surviving readers :) I shall blog about my shooting chalet first...Last Wednesday, 17th Dec, marked the day where most of our shooters' anticipations were quenched. After boundless months of longing, the day had finally arrived. I didn't meet up with the rest to buy groceries because I needed to carry 2 steamboats to the chalet haha. Gave melia and Sheryl-Lynn a ride to Aloha Loyang and we almost got lost! After settling down, we began with a round of Mahjong. I have no clue about this game, just watched melia play and tried to pick up something from the game. After which, Bbq started real early at 5 plus? I played Bridge and went to the Bbq pit to disturb the cooks haha. The climax of the chalet began late at night where we went for night cycling :) Fortunately, everyone went for cycling, if not the "feeling" won't be there. The journey was fun but filled with obstacles as well when initially, Bryan's bike's tyre punctured. Cohesiveness was displayed when some of our shooters took turns to carry the bike and walk (special mention to Henry, LQ, Felix). Subsequently, melia's bike's tyre punctured as well and we were faced with another ordeal. This time, Dickson and Oswald took turns to help melia carry the back of her bike while she steered the handle on the front wheel. By the time we reached our destination, everyone was extremely exhausted. We took a break at an eatery, then proceeded back to our chalet. When we finally set foot on our chalet, even the simple 2-room single-floored unit seemed like heaven! Upon the arrival of the remainining shooters, most of us played Xbox while I watched them play and was subsequently called out for a drink by Shawn. Went out and saw LQ, SL, Henry and called them along. The early morning was spent downing Peach Vodka and Baileys :) Shawn even took a video of the few of us in his drunken stooper! After about 2 hours spent drinking, the majority of us proceeded for a game of basketball followed by breakfast and grocery shopping for steamboat. I was shagged by the time I reached the chalet so I took a nap and made the rest hungry as I was supposed to cook lunch! =x Whipped up a simple spaghetti for everyone when I awoke. Glad it was all finished :) At night was steamboat dinner with some Bbq. Later that night, many went home while the remaining J2s plus Cizhen stayed behind. Our last night was spent differently, some went out while some played cards. melia and I were in our rooms reading shopaholic and everything was fine till I craved for a drink and what happened after that was simply painful. It was by far one of the greatest cold wars we've had and at that point in time we were both feeling so overwhelmed with horrible emotions. Anyway, I was glad that we patched up later in the morning and all was fine :) Our chalet ended with watching the Ellen show and we proceeded to take our shuttle. After our brunch at Burger King, we all went our separate ways, not knowing when we would meet again. Thinking back on all the memories we shared, I truly miss my shooters, every single one of them :) I pray that our bonds will forever remain and never be broken. 25th Dec. What significance does this date hold to you? To me, it's none. Ignoring all the facts that it's supposed to be Jesus' birthday when in actual fact it's not, Christmas to me is just another ordinary day, if not, painful. I don't recall having any wonderful Christmas time spent. It's all due to the arrival of someone every year, at around Christmas. Anyway, this year, my pain is different. It's more intense and it's due to a different reason. No one has ever been able to make me feel so much pain before, not even my lunatic aunt. It's as if dying would be a better option. I'm not exaggerating, I finally understand the meaning of living life worse than death, which is constantly portrayed in dramas. I don't know why I will feel this way. Maybe it's because I care about you too much, I love you too much and I know I'm extremely possesive which is very bad. Bad because it'll not only hurt you but hurt myself more. I always ask myself why I'm so silly to make myself feel hurt over and over again. I've tried to be less possesive but it didn't work out. I think I need you alot, too much until I can't control my emotions. I've tried to let go but I can't, not even for a second. I just love you too much, too much. If only I were really stone cold, then I wouldn't be feeling all this pain. I wouldn't care if I can't have you on Christmas, not that it's a very special day. If only you hadn't said those words, then maybe I would be feeling much better now. I can't blame you because it's all my doing, my emotions, my possesiveness. I just want to tell you that I love you no matter what and forgive me for my selfishness. Actually, I wanted to blog about how a person can't have the best of both worlds. I'm sure you understand what I mean. I'm trying my best to let you have the best of both worlds k? But if I fail, I hope you understand. I love you forever and I truly mean it :)