Today I was not myself. I couldn't really feel myself at all today. 2 days ago my chem tutor left me motivated after giving me n melia a motivational talk which he claims is very professional haha. Well, I do not deny that he did sound professional, thus leaving me motivated...for 2 days? haha. I'm the kind who does not get motivated and stay motivated...my motivation's lifespan is transient haha. This morning started off with our first Econs tutorial of the new term. Our class had a wholesome 45 min of...no, not tutorial lesson but lecture! Lecture as in reprimanding and not teaching. Despite being one of the subjects of rebuke, I had not the slightest tinge of resentment or rebellion. On the other hand, I was quite pleased with my econs tutor's 'wake up call', as it was 2 days after my chem tutor's motivational speech and her lecture served as reinforcement. Oh well, at least I could feel the drive to study today, which was the reason why I stayed behind to do some math? haha. Friends who get jealous easily should ignore the following paragraph....I truly missed melia today, that's why I made the first move and sent her an sms. Perhaps both melia and I felt rather down today, that's why I could detect her sorrow when I saw her in school. I think I'm always this walking zombie in school due to insufficient sleep, up to the extent that melia had to write this in her blog post "hahas. i cant stop laughing when i think of... from a pink rose to walking zombie. hahahas. damm funny. hahas.". Anyway, I do admit that I'm this blur block in school as consecutive days of minimal sleep will automatically turn one into a zombie without the requirement of an infection. Hopefully I won't infect melia with my virus because I only want to see the energetic and hyper melia :) After lunch and a small talk with my dear, love walked me to my gp tutorial venue which was S4-7. I know she hates walking and climbing stairs (especially climbing stairs) that's why I refused her offer. Nevertheless, I couldn't do much as her tutorial venue was in the S-block as well, although she refused to tell me which floor, but my instincts told me level 2. True enough, her tutorial was in the Red Lab which was on the 2nd level of the Science block but she only told me that after she had walked me to S4-7 -.-. I wanted to send her to her tutorial venue as well and left my bag in the classroom then accompanied her. However, at the staircase of the 4th level, ms phua had already arrived and she asked if I was going somewhere but replied to her own question by saying "I don't think you're going anymore". So, I had to part with my dear at the 4th level staircase -.-. Thanks my dear for walking me up to my classroom although you hate climbing the stairs and your bag was heavy! I suffered a rude shock in the later part of the day and I really really wanted to call my dear but I didn't want to disturb her as she was with her buddy and I know that they deserve to spend uninterrupted time together as they've not seen each other for quite long. So, the understanding me will have to save all my rantings until later at night when my dear calls :) Actually, that's part of the reason why I decided to blog as I needed an outlet to vent my emotions before I explode and be in a horrible state tomorrow. Really really really miss you lots my dear and I hope you had a nice time at Weiling's house today :)I can feel the heat and pressure as Nationals are drawing near. I'm fully aware of the fact that putting unecessary pressure on myself will cause me to underperform during a competition but I believe any athlete who values their performance for a competition will be facing stress and I am no exception. Moreover, I am determined to achieve a seemingly impossible personal best of 39 plus and when I achieve that, it will really be deemed a remarkable feat as, with only 1 over year of shooting experience and bare minimal number of trainings, achieving such a high score would definitely prove miraculous. I am just very overwhelmed with my goal of taking SRSC (SR Shooting Club) to scale greater heights, as well as leaving behind a legacy, so much so that I have been pushing myself very hard to achieve good shooting results for the past 1 over year in the club. To me, good is never enough because I will only be satisfied with the best. That is the goal-driven me. I may currently be top of the rank of my shooters but that certainly does not satisfy me. A personal best of 382 is definitely too little for me as I know that I am capable of achieving much more. If only I had access to my suit, rifle, glove and the range 24/7, my silhouette would definitely be spotted in the range every single day. Unfortuanately, I am not as privileged to be allowed access to my equipment and the range everyday, but only a mere 2 days of a week and 1 over hour or at the most 2 hours of training? With this, I've come to realise that will is not the sole factor to success as other forms of aid are required. In my case, I would be greatly disadvantaged as compared to another shooter who has shooting trainings every weekday and even more so when the shooter has had 4 years of Secondary School shooting experience. Competition is tough. Nationals is the toughest. Being severly disadvantaged in these aspects, coupled with the fact that tomorrow would be my last training besides one more extremely short training at Safra Yishun the day before the shoot which is 1 week and 6 days away would mean that I am mentally and physically unprepared for the important Nationals. At this crucial juncture, such situations are horrifically unfavourable for me and truth be told, as I'm typing all these, I'm screaming inside due to the mounting pressure. Hopefully if I'm able to go to Safra Yishun this Sunday to support my love during her first Safra monthly open shoot, provided love doesn't chase me away, I should be enquiring on Safra membership details and see if it is favourable for me to train everyday and yes, I mean EVERY SINGLE DAY before my Nationals :) Anyway, below is the link for our shooting Nationals detailing, courteousy of LQ :)http://www.schoolsports.sg/sssc/shooting/fixtures