Havn't been here in a very long while. Had wanted to blog about nice things that had happened last week. However, had forgotten about the blogging and this immense bulk of fury that is currently billowing inside me has overpowered all the euphoria that I previously had. Thus, I shall now let off some steam before this pressure cooker is about to explode. I have been pondering about all the wrong choices I have made so far in my life. Simple ones would have been choosing which subjects to focus on for the computation of my L1R5 for prelims. Horrible. Had wanted to give a shot at Physics but that subject totally masacred! Studied real hard for Chemistry and I really want to pass but after what Ms S. talked to me about my chemistry really shattered all my hopes and expectations! "...you didn't do that well for chemistry..." . "So, does it mean I have failed chemistry again?" "Better than F9...We're looking through the papers again but I doubt you'll pass..." That totally shattered me and I'm currently wondering why I'm washing my dirty linen in public? Maybe it's because I don't care. Yes, I don't care. Very sorry for affecting anyone's mood but I really need to vent my frustration- I can't find any other possible healthy outlet besides this so bear with me. I don't know at this juncture whether I should place any hope for Bio which I had hardly studied for...really worried for my L1R5 at this moment. Still remember Ms T.'s words on teachers' day which are still resounding in my head "study hard for Bio ok? Wan Yin?" Tell me what am I supposed to do now? It really sucks to be stupid. If only I had been just 10 times more intelligent then I guess things would have been much better and hopeful. I wouldn't have to worry about my L1R5 at all or get constantly preyed on by teachers. I cannot blame them because it's my fault, not theirs. They're only doing their job and I cannot complain becaue I have no such right to do so. Perhaps the biggest mistake that I've made in my life so far would be going to an academically competent school like Cedar when I think my pea-sized brain has no such capacity to contain any of the excessive information and my frail heart has no strength to combat the tremenduous pressure supressing us students. Told my mum to consider ITE for me after o's. I said that the Bishan ITE would be the nearest and that it's near Junction 8 so I could even buy the egg tarts that she likes from there whenever she wants them. Now I'm so seriously considering ITE because I think that even Polytechnics cannot accept intellectualy-challenged students like myself. Just when I had mustered all the drive to do well for o's, such news had to be broken to me at this crucial moment. Well, I guess it's just the time factor as sooner or later I'll get wind of my results so I'm just being informed about my results a little earlier and perhaps this will serve as a mental preparation when I actually receive my papers? Whatever the case is, I think I've lost all my motivation to strive harder and I don't know how to get my drive back. I've let so many people down that apologising would not lessen the hurt I've inflicted on them. Please do not say any words of encouragement for those of you who are reading this if you are intending to console me that is. Thank you.