At this point of time, I guess whatever I say or do is useless. Whatever has been done, has been done, whatever has happened has happened. Time can never be turned back and however regretful, it is all history. Well, I really hope this event can become history as soon as possible because it is too much to bear. I guess exploding is no use as well and what else can I do but to accept this fact? It is difficult but I had brought this upon myself. "You reap what you sow" so I guess I didn't "sow" enough, thus, I shouldn't even expect to "reap" much. This is all perfectly logical and true. Even geniuses have to put in some effort in order to reap benefits. Moreover, I'm no genius. What right do I have to expect things to turn out well for myself when nothing much has been put in to ensure the benefits are gained? Although I know that at this juncture I'm supposed to redeem myself by working doubly hard to produce marvellous results, however, I do not know why but I really lack this drive to strive hard. Everyone has been repeating the phrase, "must work hard ok?" to me such that my ears have become numb. It is not that I do not appreciate all the people who have encouraged me but I guess I'm just too numb and tired and depressed to hear all these. Nevertheless, thank you all!